So the night before we left for Charlie's blessing, Jessamyn tells her dad who then tells me that she is expecting a child. I am still amazed to remember how calm I felt when I heard this news. Mike and I talked for a bit before she came home and decided that we would wait to tell Cam or anyone until after Charlie's blessing. We wanted this weekend to be for them. And Heavenly Father blessed me so much all week long. I didn't fret and stew and get upset at all about the situation. I just enjoyed our time traveling and with Cam, Whit & Charlie. When we got home and talked to Jess then that night I had to have Mike hold me for a bit as I lay in bed and it hit me that we were in for a big learning curve. Mostly Jessamyn is.
I think Jessamyn was surprised at how both of us took this news. What are you going to do? It's a done deal!
Now that she's about 14 weeks along it is starting to feel a bit more realistic. She's not showing yet but today told me that the baby was about as big as her fist.
The thing I find sad about all of this is that we can't really get excited for all that this baby will bring as she has decided to place the child for adoption with LDS social services. She knows this is the right thing to do for the child and I'm proud of her for making such a difficult decision. I'm afraid that the battle to see it through is going to be uphill.
It will be worth it for her to have this experience if in the end she can finally feel truly loved. She will witness for herself the love that it took her birthmother to place her in the care of others and she can know that she is ours because of extreme love - her birthmother's love and our love together. That's more love than most babies start with!
